1) You become obsessed with sleep. How much you’re getting, how much they are getting and most importantly how much your baby gets and how you wish it was more.
2) You also talk about who is getting more sleep. Spoiler: it’s never them.
3) If you aren’t talking about sleep then you are talking about your baby’s poo. How often? What colour? How much? Yep, don’t be jealous. You will also debate who should change the nappy and you *may* even start a tally chart to prove you’ve changed at least 50 more.
4) They now think it’s acceptable to go to the toilet while you are in the shower because ‘they watched you give birth.’
5) If you aren’t married then everyone will be asking when it will happen. Like, no. Not important. Too busy feeling sorry for myself and my lack of sleep.
6) You will strongly believe that you are doing so much more than your partner. You even consider making diagrams and charts to strengthen your argument.
7) In your delioursly tired state, you will take anything they say as a criticism.
8) You get jealous that your boyfriend gets to go to work whilst you stay at home, covered in baby sick and craving actual adult conversation. You seemingly forget how rubbish work used to be as you’ve been in your maternity leave bubble for so long.
9) On the rare occasion you get a baby sitter you start to plan all the fun things you can do on your night off. You plan to drink all the alcohol, eat at all the fancy restaurants and maybe sneak a little film in there. In reality, you will go home at 8:30 and collapse on the sofa because the adult headache isn’t worth it.
Ultimately, you realise all these sacrifices are worth it. Even if you would never eat chocolate again for a normal nights sleep (but drastic) you’re little creation makes it worthwhile especially when they are sleeping or when they actually smile. You will unite when people tell you how to bring up your baby. You become a team when your baby wakes up at 3am because they are teething. But the best thing, you bought a new life into the world and nothing can beat that feeling. Not even cake. (Honestly!)